Something Like Happy Read online

  Something Like Happy

  SASHA GREENE

  A division of HarperCollinsPublishers

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  HarperImpulse

  an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

  1 London Bridge Street

  London SE1 9GF

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2019

  Copyright © Sasha Greene 2019

  Cover illustration © Shutterstock.com

  Cover design by Ellie Game © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2019

  Sasha Greene asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

  Source ISBN: 9780008325015

  Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008325008

  Version: 2019-04-23

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Epilogue: Three Weeks Later

  Author Note

  Acknowledgements

  About HarperImpulse

  About the Publisher

  To anyone who has thought they would never get through the day, but somehow managed.

  You are amazing.

  And in memory of all those who couldn’t.

  Chapter 1

  Nick leaned over the grey stone parapet, considering the distance to the road below. It should be enough to kill him. His heart pounded at the thought, but it was the easiest way he could think of. One simple jump, and he’d be gone. And even if he didn’t succeed, at the very least he’d be in hospital, which would mean a blessed release from his daily grind and the ache of loneliness that wore him down.

  He focused his gaze on the skyline and gripped the rough surface with his shaking hands. Easy peasy. All he had to do was close his eyes and jump. He went through the motions in his imagination. Early tomorrow would do it. Sunday morning was always deserted. He needed just a little more time to gather his courage.

  It had to be tomorrow. There was no other choice. No way he could go back into that office on Monday morning.

  When Jade saw the figure on the bridge, standing tall in his bright blue jacket, she thought at first he was looking at the scenery. But as she came closer, she saw his eyes were closed. White knuckles gripped on tightly to the edge, and she suddenly knew exactly what was going on.

  You have to talk to him.

  This wasn’t how she had imagined her sunny Saturday panning out. A casual stroll through town, up the hill, look at the view. Definitely not getting involved in the life of someone who was obviously planning to jump.

  Really? When you know exactly what this bridge means to you? Do you want to make the same mistake twice? You could do something right for once.

  She clenched her fists, fully intending to walk on by, but found her mouth opening. ‘I wouldn’t lean so far over if I were you.’

  A female voice broke into Nick’s thoughts. That was definitely a local accent from the sound of it. He felt a surge of irritation hit him and didn’t bother turning to look at who was behind him. Jeez, what was wrong with this place? His life was filled with people telling him what to do, and now he couldn’t even plan his suicide in peace without someone interfering.

  ‘Go away.’ He folded his arms, standing stiffly, ready to wait until she disappeared.

  ‘It’ll hurt if you splat on the road.’

  Her matter of fact tone and choice of words surprised him, and he swivelled to look at the speaker. A short, waif-like girl stood in front of him. She looked no more than eighteen. Her pale skin clashed horribly with her long dyed jet-black hair, which was gathered up in the worst-kept hairstyle ever. Wait, was that strips of sparkly green in among the black? Her bright red coat combined with her goth-style hair was like nothing he had seen before in his life.

  ‘Go away.’ He turned away. ‘Leave me in peace.’

  ‘You don’t look like you want to be left in peace. You look sad. Sad people normally want cheering up.’ It was childlike, how direct she was. And somehow kind of refreshing.

  Nick turned again and frowned at her. ‘Don’t kids of your age have better things to do than harass strangers?’

  ‘Kids?’ She folded her arms, squinting at him against the sun. ‘I’m twenty-fucking-three, for God’s sake.’

  The same age as himself. Now that he looked closer at her, he could actually see fine lines at the corner of her eyes. He was willing to give her the twenty-three, although she still looked young for her age.

  Nick couldn’t help himself. ‘Do you always swear so much?’

  She shrugged. ‘Sometimes.’

  This just wasn’t how Nick had imagined his day panning out. Here he was, stuck on a bridge, arguing with someone about swear words. It all seemed kind of surreal.

  ‘Anyway,’ the girl said, looking as if all this discussion bored her, ‘I came to give you my happy list. You look like you need it.’ The cold spring wind whipped her hair around her face, and she reached for a handful, tucking it behind her ear.

  ‘Your what?’ Nick frowned again. He wasn’t quite following. His brain, so focused on what he had been thinking about before she interrupted him, was struggling to catch up.

  ‘A happy list. I wrote it. It’s things to do when I feel sad. To cheer me up.’ She spoke slowly, as if she was speaking to someone in a foreign language.

  ‘Like a bucket list?’ Nick was intrigued.

  She blew out her cheeks, obviously considering the idea. ‘Kind of, I guess. But a bucket list is things to do before you die. These are things you can do all the time.’

  ‘Anyway.’ She made a dismissive gesture with one hand. ‘If you want to come with me to the top of the hill, I’ll show you the first thing on the list.’

  She turned and walked away towards the gravel path that wound up through the scattered tombstones of the Necropolis, leaving him staring after her. His head swivelled back to the drop below. It was a choice between his own dark thoughts and the idea of talking to someone who claimed to have the answer to happiness. It took only a moment before he hurried after her.

  Jade crossed her fingers tightly in her pockets as she walked away. Had she said enough to hook him
? Or had she been too harsh? A surreptitious glance behind her showed that he was following her, and she breathed a quick sigh of relief. At least she had got him away from the edge. Now all she had to do was work out how to convince him that life was better than the alternative. Yeah. All she had to do was that. Just exactly what had she got herself into here? And how the hell was she going to do it?

  Nick caught up with the red coat when she was already half-way up the slope, breathing hard as he came alongside her. He hadn’t realised how much he had let himself go over the last six months. He looked at her, expecting another pithy comment, but she just smiled politely at him and continued walking.

  He found himself considering a heavily decorated gravestone to his right. The Necropolis. A strange idea really. Rich people, paying vast sums of money to make sure they were remembered when they died. It all looked very impressive, he thought. But did anyone really remember who these people were?

  They walked in silence all the way up the winding path, until they came to the top and the girl sat down on the steps of a large stone tomb. Seating himself beside her on the chilly stone, Nick realised that from here they could see pretty much all of Glasgow. In fact, he had never really seen it quite like this. An impressive mix of architecture spread out below him, framed by the curves of the hills beyond. Sunshine glinted off the tiny wind turbines in the distance.

  ‘I’m Nick, by the way.’ He offered a hand.

  She took it gingerly. ‘Jade.’ Her hand was cool, but firm.

  Nick looked out at the view again. ‘So, what’s this list you’re talking about?’ He couldn’t help asking. Any chance at happiness was worth a shot.

  ‘Well, this is number one.’ She gestured with her hands. ‘Go and look at a stunning view.’

  She spoke the last words as if she was reciting something she had committed to memory.

  ‘Is that it?’ Nick was surprised. ‘I’d expected something, well, more dramatic.’

  ‘And you call this not dramatic?’ She pointed at the view.

  He had to admit that she was right. White fluffy clouds raced along the mountain tops. Below them the busy sounds of the city echoed up, blown to them on the wind. The seagulls whirled, shrieking as they dived among the tops of the mass of buildings below them. The variation in architecture was pretty amazing. Brutal sixties monstrosities combined with elegant Victorian buildings and to their right the squat spires of the cathedral reminded him of the ancient history of the city.

  ‘I take it you’re not local then?’ It was more of a statement than a question from Jade.

  ‘No.’ Nick wondered how she had guessed, but then realised that his accent would mark him out, just as clearly as hers had showed she was Glasgow-raised. ‘I’m from Fort William.’

  Jade looked at him for a long while, as if considering something. The grey smudges under her eyes stood out in her pale face. ‘Tell you what. Meet me next Saturday and I’ll tell you the second thing on the list.’

  ‘I thought you were just going to give me the list.’ Nick didn’t know if he wanted to get involved with what she was suggesting. He didn’t know her. This could just be some trick. To get him to –

  To get you to what, exactly? His brain gave him a mental slap. Five minutes ago you were thinking about killing yourself. What have you got to lose? He found his hands were trembling again and he tucked them under his arms, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

  He pushed away the part of him whispering that he shouldn’t get involved. Making connections when he wasn’t going to be around much longer would just be an added complication. But then, if he met this girl next weekend, that meant another week in his job. Living with the snide comments and the subtle bullying. Could he really do that? Was he really strong enough?

  ‘OK,’ he found himself saying.

  Jade looked him directly in the eyes, a worried frown on her face. ‘You promise?’

  The sunlight turned her brown eyes into gold-flecked pools that seemed to hypnotise his brain. ‘I promise.’

  Jade got up, brushing off her hands. ‘Great. Ten a.m. Clydebank station. Don’t be late.’ She started to walk off down the hill.

  ‘Wait,’ he called after her. ‘You should give me your number.’

  She waved a thin hand dismissively, not even bothering to turn. ‘No need. I know you’ll be there. A promise is a promise.’

  As soon as she knew she was out of sight Jade sank down behind a nearby grave stone, making sure she was hidden from his view. Her legs were suddenly wobbly.

  Talking to Nick had brought back images that she just didn’t want to see again, and they played out in her head like some kind of disjointed horror film. She balled up her fists into her eyes, but tears squeezed slowly out the sides and ran down her arms, chilling her skin as the wind dried them away.

  See. This is why I didn’t want to get involved.

  She needed to, though. For herself and her own sanity. She couldn’t go back and change the past, but if she could change the future, help someone else in the same situation, then maybe she could start to trust herself again. Maybe she could learn to sleep at night.

  After a long while she lifted her head, staring out across the vast expanse in front of her. She took a deep breath, and then another one. She could be strong. She would be strong. She had Mum. And Dad. And Lily. And, just maybe, with Nick, she had the chance to redeem herself. To try and make things right.

  Fumbling for a tissue in her handbag, she rose stiffly and began the slow walk back down the hill and towards home.

  The sun was low in the sky by the time she put her keys in the front door. She opened the door to a warmth and a smell of food that made her stomach rumble. Her mother, she found in the kitchen as usual, her head bent over a pan. When she saw Jade she wrapped her in her arms and, ignoring her protests, smoothed back her hair.

  ‘Where have you been all this time?’ The question was not demanding, just curious.

  ‘Just around the city.’ Jade didn’t really want to share what had happened with Nick. ‘I went out up to the Necropolis and then I walked home.’

  ‘What, all the way from town?’ Her mother stirred the sauce, anxious not to let it burn.

  Jade shrugged. ‘It’s not far, just a few miles.’ She noticed the size of the pot. ‘What, are we having a party around for dinner again?’

  Her mother laughed, pushing back her own short black hair as she did so. ‘No. Just meals to put in the freezer. I thought I would make some for you to take to work.’

  Jade sighed, torn between love for her mother and an ongoing irritation at how she never listened. ‘Mum. You know we get food at work.’

  Her mother tutted, stirring the pot again. ‘Yes. Chips and burgers and all that rubbish. No wonder you are so pale these days. I’m making you some proper food with vitamins in it.’

  Jade was going to complain again but gave up and hugged her instead. ‘You’re the best, Mum, you know that.’ Her mother blushed, unused to such compliments from her daughter.

  Jade sat down at the table, ready to sink into the warmth of the kitchen. But she couldn’t get the image of the man on the bridge out of her mind.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ The question intruded into her thoughts, and she looked up, surprised.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Her mother pointed at the table. ‘Usually I put crisps out, they’re gone in five minutes.’

  Jade looked, and yes, there was a blue bowl on the table. She took a handful, savouring the sharp tang of the vinegar. ‘My favourite. Thanks Mum.’

  She told her mother about Nick.

  ‘Oh, Jade.’ The older woman closed her eyes. ‘Not the same place. What made you want to go up there?’

  Jade reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly. ‘I’m fine, Mum, really I am. It’s just my way of dealing with it.’

  Her mum squeezed back briefly before returning to the stove. ‘Well Jade, you know best,’ she said, determination in her tone. ‘You know I just want you
to be happy, that’s all.’

  There were a few minutes silence, then she turned towards Jade again. ‘Go and call your dad in for dinner.’

  Jade went next door into the living room. The TV was on, but her dad had fallen asleep on the big black sofa as usual. She hated to disturb him when he was like this. He’d be out at work all night and he needed all the sleep he could get.

  She put a hand gently on his shoulder, and he stirred, smiling up at her. ‘There’s my girl. Must be time for dinner, eh?’

  There was very little conversation during dinner, as they sat round the little table in the kitchen. Jade preferred it like this now that there were just three of them. The warmth of the kitchen enclosed them as if the house was hugging them, and while they were here Jade could block out thoughts of what real life was like and just pretend that things would go on like this for ever.

  Eventually Jade’s dad rose, wiping his mouth. ‘Best be off,’ he said. ‘Taxi fares don’t grow on trees.’ He wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her soundly. ‘Thanks for the dinner, sweetheart.’ She squeezed his bum playfully, while Jade said ‘Eew, get a room!’ and they all laughed together. It was a ritual that had been played out ever since she could remember, and she couldn’t imagine a family dinner without it. She held the image in her mind, savouring the warmth it generated in her thoughts.

  Jade helped wash up and then went to her room. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She suddenly wished she had taken Nick’s number. She felt an overwhelming urge just to contact him. She was so curious to find out his story. Who he was, where he came from, the whole works. But no, she would just have to wait until next Saturday. Patience is a virtue, she reminded herself with a little smile. That’s what Grandma would have said.

  She looked over to where the photos sat on the small white bookcase. Growing up she had always wondered why people had pictures of dead people lying around, but now she knew. Her grandma smiled out from her frame, looking encouraging, as she always had. She must have been a strong woman, thought Jade. Having a Chinese woman as a daughter in law, at a time when the communities barely talked to each other, must have been tough. But then, anyone seeing Jade’s parents together couldn’t doubt that they were deeply in love; even now, after almost thirty years of marriage. She lay back on her pillows, thinking about all these good things, and let the feelings of warmth and caring wrap around her like a blanket.